Which do you prefer: a complete family without love, or a broken family where there is peace and love?
Would you rather have someone you love but doesn’t love you, or someone you don’t love but loves you?
In the Gospel today, Jesus poses the same riddle. Which do you prefer? A son who says “yes” but does not do your command, or a son who says “no” but eventually does what you command.
Contrast and separation is a rabbinic style of teaching that stresses the importance of distinguishing between options. The principle we need to remember is this: We separate only for distinction, not isolation. It’s important to distinguish, but we do not have to isolate. When we distinguish, we clarify; when we isolate, we confuse or settle for less.
It doesn’t always have to be “either” or “or.” When possible it should be an “and.” Jesus in the Gospel does not teach us to say “no” to our elders and then obey afterwards. He separates only for distinction, not isolation. I’m sure Jesus still prefers that we say “yes” and then do what our elders ask us to do. When Jesus teaches somewhere else in the Gospel, “Not everyone who says ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven but only those who do the will of the Father in heaven,” He is not saying don’t call God “Lord,” but just do the will of the Father. He would still prefer that we say “Lord” and do what He requires.
“Either/or” is only the minimum. “And” is the call of perfection. Our problem sometimes is we make the minimum as the norm. People tell me, “Father, I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” Friend, you can be both religious and spiritual. They are not opposed to each other. Others say, “I don’t read the Bible but I talk to God.” Friend, when you read the Bible, you’ll talk better to God. Still some others say, “ I don’t go to confession, but I’m sorry for my sins.” The list can go on and on. Jesus calls us to “be perfect as the Heavenly Father is perfect.” Don’t settle for the minimum.
It doesn’t have to be either/or. It can be and.
