A family of four was in a car that was cruising on the expressway. The couple had a little argument earlier before they left home and the situation was tense. The husband was driving fast and a little carelessly. The wife notices it and fears for their safety. The wife snaps at the husband and says, “You’re such a reckless driver! You don’t even care for me and our children!” Threatened, the husband will most probably snap back in anger and say, “So you think you can drive better? Why don’t you drive yourself?”
But what if the wife says, “I know you’re upset over our argument. Is it distracting you and your driving right now? I’m just nervous and worried, especially that we have our kids with us.” Not threatened at all, the husband will most probably say, “I’m just a little distracted. It’s OK, I’ll be fine, and you and our children as well.” And he pays extra attention to his driving.
The first approach is a direct judgment on the other person and usually elicits a defensive, angry reaction. The second approach is not a judgment at all. The wife simply “reported” her own feelings over the situation, which elicited a response, not a reaction.
Today’s First Reading (2 Samuel 12:1-7, 10-17) is a beautiful model for conflict management. Nathan, sent by God to confront King David over his crime of murder and adultery, made David see and realize the greatness of his sin by means of a parable. In response, David was overcome by remorse and acknowledged his guilt. This led him to compose today’s responsorial psalm, traditionally called the Miserere (Latin for “Have Mercy”). Had Nathan used the first approach above, David would have made life miserable for Nathan.
It is always important to communicate the unblemished truth, even when it hurts, but just as important to convey the truth in love. Love allows the incommunicable to be communicable. This has always been the principle the Church has tried to live by. This is why She is also known as Mater et Magistra (Mother and Teacher). She is first a mother before She is a teacher. The Church in Her proclamation never imposes; She proposes.
